Expressions of Love

Working on my Spouse's Love Language

I'm working on my husband's love languages: physical touch and words of affirmation. On Saturday for date night we went out to eat at a Brazilian steakhouse and we told our waitress that we wanted to sit beside each other so a booth would be better. It was fun sitting beside my husband while eating food that reminds him of home. Just the fact that we were able to go out on a date two weeks in a row is a miracle. It could be three in a row this Friday if all goes as planned. Thank goodness for summer and college students coming home wanting to do any and all jobs; like babysit! I noticed a real difference in church during sacrament when we sat beside each other. It made it more loving and enjoyable! Just kidding. Really it was nice because we were able to connect when otherwise we had children in between us. Yesterday and today I put little "love notes" inside my husband's work bag so when he pulls out his laptop he sees my note. These words of affirmation help him get through the hard long days of work. I find myself softer and gentler with him as I focus my thoughts on him and not that he is gone at work for long hours. Does that make sense?

Some days it’s easier to be more in touch with my physical touch or words of affirmation. Some evenings my brain feels like mush and all I want to do is lay down; little kids are exhausting especially in summer time. It's been nice though having moments with my husband when we can kiss and hug for 10 seconds as soon as my husband gets home. There are moments when he's been home for a while and one of us remember and we stop what we are doing to connect. It takes time and practice but we are both willing to try new things.

Unit 5 Love Languages for FDREL 200

I took the couple love language questionnaire, Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, with my husband (of almost 11 years). I wasn't surprised with my love language outcome but here is my results: my highest score is Acts of Service, 9, with words of affirmation following behind (at 8), physical touch was at a 6, quality time was a 5 and gifts was last with 2. My husband is pretty much trilingual: physical touch at 9 and words of affirmation and quality time at 8 each.

Three people in my life are my husband, mother, and sister. My husband is a physical touch person. My mother is an acts of service. And my sister is words of affirmation. My husband is the person I want to focus on for the next two weeks. He is someone who works long hours and puts up with a lot of stress at work. He is often under pressure to meet deadlines and doesn't receive many uplifting words of encouragement. (His job sounds horrible but he loves his job.) During the two weeks I am going to focus my actions on him. I can speak his love language of physical touch in many ways. Some examples:

When driving holding his hand

In church sitting beside each other and not allow our children in between us

Embracing each other with hug and kiss for at least 10 seconds every evening when spouse returns home

After a long stressful day give him a neck massage

Continue our Friday night date nights that we started up again a few weeks ago. (It's so easy to get out of habit.)

Since his second love language is words of affirmation I can easily tap into that language by sending texts, sending random emails, or hiding a letter in his work bag. Little ways I can show and tell him how I feel towards him to help tap into his love language.

Final Thoughts on Unit 4: Social Media

Elder Bednar's talk Things as They Really Are is hitting home lately with my media usage. I have to admit I am trying hard at this assignment but I am failing pretty bad at my goal of limiting myself to 15 minutes a day. I can sit here and make excuses like my sister just had twins, one of the twins is not doing well and has a life threatening infection so I need to update my status or text more family members, or I need to use my phone to look up something because it's easier than my computer. I can go on, but really its up to me to give a mental check with myself in how I am viewed from others like my children. I have to admit yesterday evening I was "too busy" in researching this infection that my nephew has on my phone that I failed to hear my 4 year old son calling me for a minute or two. I instantly felt horrible and put my phone away to play Legos with him. I apologized to my son for the lack of attention and realized I could quickly lose my child's trust if I don't put away my phone. It was easy to put away my phone while I was on a date, finally, with my husband on Friday. It felt amazing to leave my phone in the car while I was at the restaurant with my husband. We had to laugh at all the people around us using their phones while eating at the restaurant. It was an eye opener to us to realize how disconnected people are in a place where they should feel connected with others. It reminded me of the Washington Post article I posted earlier about using judgement in when to use your phone, if you are in a place where you are to connect with others then put your phone away. It's all a learning curve but it takes self-reflection to realize where you are in your habits and how you can change them for the better.

I appreciate the opportunities for us to grow and expand our testimonies of Jesus Christ. I am especially grateful for this lesson. I have learned so much in the time we have been asked to keep track of our social media time, listening to our family members, and to strengthen our marriage. Under the additional resources I found a great talk from Elder Hales, With all the Feelings of a Tender Parent, he tells us that we need to have family counsel. He counsels us that we never need to be afraid to talk to our children. We are the ones who are responsible to teach our children. We are responsible to show our children that we care for them by listening to them, only giving counsel or discipline when needed. If we are not careful we can close the door to future interactions with our children. We need to remember to keep our hearts open to whatever our children may ask. In the parable of the prodigal son we learn that when the son realized the mistakes he made and realized who he wanted to be he returned to his family. He knew the door was open because of how his father treated him.

As I think of this, I want to remember the actions I take while using my phone or using the internet in front of my children. I don't want them to think I care more about "others" or the "phone" more than them. We need to all remember this as they get older and will have their own devices. I think as a husband and wife counsel together they will understand each other better and understand how they can help their children too. When life is slowed a little by taking away the phones or computers a family can find ways to interact and strengthen their relationships. Children need to see their parents together in a loving tender manner. This will help them in discussion making for their future spouses.

Realizing that we need to do self-checks every once in a while to put things back into perspective is key. Reminding yourself that the way you speak to your spouse and children is a self-reflection of how you feel. Needing to remember to go to the Lord in prayer and repentance is key too. Keeping your marriage fresh and new by courting each other like you did before you were married. And as President Hunter said, "Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife." The family is important in the eyes of the Lord and remembering these lessons will help shape your family and your children for eternity.